(*'No Law Degree / No Legal Experience / No College required.
All you need is a 6th Grade Education - 'FELONS Preferred')
You can work whenever 'YOU' Fucking want to. Imagine, No more Fucking time clock to punch and Nobody Fucking telling you what to do Ever Again! Come and go as you damn well please. No BULLSHIT ever again.
'No Requirements'. Whether you are sober or drunk, straight or stoned, you can work anytime and anywhere. We really don't give a Fuck what your state of mind is or what your IQ or criminal record is for that matter, as long as you enjoy Fucking someone over for no reason Whatsoever.
If you were hurt, awesome, we will make those Fuckers Pay and pay BIG $'s'. If you weren't actually hurt at the time of the accident, no problem there, we can help you out with that too. Our team of highly trained professionals can 'Fuck You Up' and make it all look as good as any legitimate personal injury case you've ever seen. And it is all completely legal and by the book.
The Best Scumbag Parasites In The Business !
"I was sleeping in my bed at home when I received a call notifying me that I had been 'Seriously Injured' in an auto accident. These wonderful people sent a team to my house and walked me through the entire process. They were gentle when they roughed me up before my claim was filed and I was awarded $475,000.00 for pain and suffering". - Aunt Mable
We cover any injury you can think of including just being alive ...
There is no such thing as an accident. Somebody fucked up and fucked you over and 'They Must Pay'
Somebody had to do something wrong for you to have this much pain and suffering.
Just doing your job shouldn't lead to a lifetime of pain and suffering ! Make those bastards pay.
Scam your friends and neighbors - just stop by to visit, throw down a slip-and-fall, and VOILA you have a homeowners claim.
Sue them for absolutely no Fucking reason whatsoever.
We know every fuckin trick in the book - Guaranteed!
Just keep repeating this phrase, "Show Me The Money Bitch!"
Our team of highly skilled Attorneys, Therapists, and Physicians will coach you through the complex world of a workers compensation. What's our record, just look at the numbers - 99.8% of all our clients receive total permanent disability after just one claim (the other 0.2% were just too Fucking lazy even for us).
Our 'World Recognized Experts' cover every single conceivable industrial injury. We can convert a splinter into a disabling upper extremity injury and an ankle scratch into a limb and EVEN Life Threatening Injury.
Got a piece of dust in your eye - don't under estimate the seriousness of that injury! Our team can have you 'Nearly Blind' In No Time. Blindness Pays Big Bucks!
No Injury Is Too Small Not To Be Taken Seriously - YOUR LIFE MAY BE IN THE BALANCE !
"It was harrasment!"
(Never lost a case)
"Fucke'm - Cause You Can"
(Never lost a case)
"No Injury is too small"
(Never lost a case)
"Hurt in a car - we're not far!"
(Never lost a case)
'Take It Out of Their Hide - With 'FDF' On Your Side' ! ™
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"FDF Is On Your Side!"